The Diamond Valley’s most famous Megan has broken her long silence to speak to The Watsonia Bugle about her latest slogan, her ongoing activism for the carnivore cause, and the recent conspiracy theory over her true identity. Having not spoken to us at all in 2018 so far, and not scrawling any empowering messages on Briar Hill’s most famous fence since Christmas, we were surprised to hear from Meggsy early this morning when she contacted Bugle HQ from an unknown number and spoke through a voice synthesiser.

Megan started the conversation by slamming the conspiracy theory we published yesterday suggesting that she was, in fact, Meghan Markle… the new Duchess of Sussex. Our Megan said, “None of them royals would have the stomach for the kind of gritty activism that I’m involved in. I’m not into attending fancy gala balls where rich people throw their money around for whatever charity is the flavour of the week. I’m just a humble commoner, speaking out for the causes that I believe in. And besides, I’m obviously a local. How else could you explain that time I responded to your concern for my welfare by scrawling a slogan on the fence the very next day?”

When quizzed about her most recent slogan “Megs loves mince”, she said, “You can be a true meat lover and not love mince. Just ask any of the four pizza shops in Watsonia that you guys never stop banging on about. Mince is such a diverse and flexible form of meat. You can use it for so many dishes, especially rissoles. So yeah, I love mince.”