An exclusive report conducted by The Watsonia Bugle has revealed our Top 5 most needy neighbouring suburbs, following the detailed analysis of the comments sections of some of our recent social media posts. Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve posted consecutive memes comparing local suburbs to both chip flavours and pizza toppings, and while the reaction from some residents was fairly predictable, we were staggered by the entitlement of some of the suburbs who claim they were unfairly omitted.

While the memes were quite obviously just desperate grabs for social media traction, and a lazy attempt to ignite hate speech amongst the opposing suburbs of the Diamond Valley, the bold claims of exclusion from some of our neighbours was totally unexpected. Seemingly confusing The Watsonia Bugle for some kind of community organisation that actually cares about people from such exotic locations as Bundoora and Rosanna, commenters lodged complaints at a rapid pace – each containing genuine upset and hurt about the matter.

So, we collated the comments and – like any media organisation that’s struggling for content ideas – we compiled a list that we hope will inflame tensions and encourage debate. Without further ado, here are Watsonia’s five neediest neighbouring suburbs:

5. Research
One reader was so upset by their omission from the chips meme that he made his own image and flavour for it. Kudos to you, young man. That’s called doing your research.

4. Briar Hill
How Briar Hill kept popping up in the comments is beyond us. It’s not even an actual suburb, it’s just one of Greensborough’s many feuding factions. We put them on this list merely for the opportunity to highlight the fact you’re not an official suburb.

3. Eltham
Let’s be honest, Eltham was actually included in both memes, but that didn’t stop that peerless sense of entitlement from rearing its ugly head. The best comment was “I’m enjoying these posts. Chip flavours last week. Pizzas this week. Why does Eltham get slogged as plain potato chips and bland Margherita pizza though?” It was a classic case of the old “I’m enjoying this, but I don’t like it”. What does that even mean?

2. Bundoora
With open-ended questions such as “What about Bundoora?” and the geographically observant “You forgot Bundoora & we are a lot closer to Watsonia than Eltham”, it’s hard to ignore the fact that we often, ahem, ignore a suburb that actually borders Watsonia. Maybe we’re just confused why your bowling alley is named after a suburb that is two whole suburbs across from you.

1. Rosanna
The sheer anger and ferocity with which Rosanna clapped back at us made them automatically worthy of the number one spot. When we read “Why do you always fu#king ignore Rosanna? Don’t think you’re getting away with it!!!” we didn’t even realise we were ignoring them. We cover them occasionally, but the reality is you know you’re better than us, and we know you’re better than us. And with house prices the way they are in your suburb, you’d be better suited to a media outlet with a firm paywall than the free press provided by The Watsonia Bugle.