Applications have opened for freeway art concepts to be installed along North East Link when it opens in about 10 years, with the brief that any sculptures should both represent and celebrate the local flavours of our surrounding area. Inspired by some of the, let’s say, bizarre installations that can be found along Eastlink, we’ve decided to openly speculate what would be the best options for the Watsonia and Greensborough stretch of NEL.

Dancing Coffee Cup

Considering that the new tollway is solely responsible for the loss of the Diamond Valley’s most prolific performing artist, it seems only right that they immortalise the sprightly dancing coffee cup that once graced the side of Greensborough Highway. A symbolic bridge between the past and the future, we feel nothing less than a 20-foot golden statue of the takeaway coffee cup would suffice, carefully placed on the section of road where it made so many people so very happy.

Police Helicopter

Few things engage the local community more fully than the shared speculation of what the police helicopter is doing hovering around Watsonia and the surrounding suburbs. Seemingly under the impression that our area is the only one to receive regular police surveillance, locals love to gossip about why the helicopter is in town. So why not recreate that beloved presence by installing a 1:1 replica of the helicopter on a large vertical pole. Like a fake owl placed in someone’s yard to scare birds away, the permanent placement of the helicopter might even deter some of our more dim-witted local criminals, and make speeding motorists think twice about breaking the law.

Megan’s Fence

Sure, we haven’t heard from her in a while, but Megan the anti-vegan is undoubtably a local icon. Speaking to the people via a series of fence-borne scribblings in Briar Hill, Megan achieved almost global notoriety, reaching the pages of such esteemed publications as the Diamond Valley Leader (RIP), Herald Sun, and Daily Mail. So, let’s expand that concept by installing a large fence and rewriting some of her most beloved slogans. Heck, you could even alternate the message from week to week, both entertaining and informing passing motorists.

Giant Dim Sim

Okay, we’ll be honest, this long-winded article is nothing more than yet another attempt to push for the installation of a giant dim sim in Watsonia to celebrate the fact that our suburb is home to the greatest dimmies in the world. Despite numerous failed attempts to get this project off the ground, our ambition remains undimmed (pun intended). And when you consider that NEL poured $640k into the refurbishment of their shopfront hub on Watsonia Road, surely there’s enough coin in the coffers to build that massive dimmie. Give the people what they want.