Sure, we’ve only been around for five years, but why not bring out a greatest hits album? It’s been a wild ride since we wrote our first article back in February 2017, but our focus never changes – deliver the news of the people, for the people. Enjoy…
10. Springthorpe in the midst of a crippling identity crisis
This one really triggered our Springthorpe neighbours, with one disgruntled Springthorpian shooting off with “Seems like the writer of this article needs to do a bit of research and The Watsonia Bugle needs to not publish such nonsense”. As they say about Alan from The Hangover, some people are literally too stupid to insult.
9. Blue Heelers reboot expected to be based in Watsonia
Rumours swirled throughout 2019 that Watsonia’s crime rate was on the rise, despite the total lack of statistical evidence to support that premise. Either way, what better way to keep an eye on nefarious activity than station Sergeant Tom Croydon and the team right here in Watsonia? All we’d need to do is build a police station and a replica of the Imperial Hotel. If Ditch Davey signs on, well, that would just be an enormous bonus.
8. Entire suburb of Greensborough splits into multiple warring factions
Nothing excites our readers more than a bit of friendly suburban rivalry. But how do you inflame that even further? Pit the multiple factions within one suburb against each other. Residents from the opposing regions of Greenhills, Apollo Parkways, Briar Hill, St Helena, and “Old Greensy” readily picked up their pitchforks and went to war over this one. But the most interesting thing to arise from this story was the even more passionate debate over whether Greensborough should be nicknamed “Greensy” or “The Burra”.
7. Giant coffee cup on Greensborough Highway reports higher than average job satisfaction
One of our earliest hits, it would be hard to find a Diamond Valley identity more beloved than the legendary giant coffee cup that once danced away the morning on Greensborough Highway… RIP.
6. Local mum goes to Greensy Plaza but doesn’t see anyone she knows
This one tends to hit people right in the feels. Be honest, if you’ve lived in the area for at least a few years, an encounter-free visit to the region’s largest shopping precinct is almost unheard of… except for this lucky mum.
5. Taylor Swift reportedly holidaying in Watsonia
Star spotters went into overdrive back in October 2018, and traffic is said to have increased exponentially on both our website and Watsonia Road, as Swifties all over Melbourne scrambled to see if they could bump into Taylor Swift at one of our many fish and chip shops, or belting out a tune in the Watsonia RSL members bar. Alas, none of the numerous sightings were confirmed, so we’ll never really know if Tay Tay enjoyed a quiet week of vacation right here in Watsonia.
4. Customer loses cool after deli assistant doesn’t consult him on the breaking in half of kabana stick
Fair to say we seriously underestimated the passion of the deli community when we dropped this little ditty. This article went a little crazy back in 2017, as multiple generations of deli workers shone a spotlight on what we’d previously just felt was a figment of our own imagination. Turns out that asking before breaking is a thing. So much so that the post received well 1000 comments and locals rushed to share their traumatic experiences.
3. Inner north hipster falls asleep on Hurstbridge Line and wakes up in Diamo
If we were a band, this guy was our first ever radio hit. The inspirational tale of a young man named Tym McTaggart who found himself in alien territory and attempted to make sense of his harrowing predicament. It seems that many of us have found ourselves in a similar situation, but not everyone was understanding. One Diamond Creek resident commented, “Who writes this anti-Diamo tripe over at The Watsonia Bugle? We should fight back and get our own journal of record – how about the Diamo Trumpet?” We’re still waiting.
2. Karen from Brighton complains that large portion of her 5km radius is under water
While 2020 will be remembered for many regrettable moments, it did hit the occasional winner. And at the top of that list was instant Internet sensation Karen from Brighton. As Melburnians came to grips with being confined to a five-kilometre radius from their homes in the depths of lockdown, we reported that exercise fanatic Karen had complained that her bayside location meant a decent chunk of her radius was underwater. The headline from that story featured in memes all across the interwebs, as more than a few observers took the story as gospel.
1. Greensborough man Rick Bitter names his daughter “Victoria”
While we’ve written well over 2,000 articles in our short history, this one tops the charts. It spread like wildfire in early 2019, as the nation grappled with the concept of naming your offspring after your favourite alcoholic beverage. It was immortalised in meme, discussed on breakfast radio in Adelaide, officially given “viral” status, and pinched by a prominent sports betting agency that chose not to credit us, leading to a witch hunt of sorts, as our loyal readers ripped the agency to shreds – one brave soul telling them, “Never dog the boys, and never dog the Bugle”. Our hearts swelled with pride, and we cracked an ice-cold VB to celebrate. It was fully sick.